‘So… you stopped taking your medication because of the cold you had 3 months ago?’

‘YES, it’s the only thing I could think of that would’ve caused such a terrible cold!’

‘But you’ve been taking this medication for years, and the cold was for a week a couple of months ago?’

‘Yes but I’ve had a lot of colds lately, a few a year! Something must be causing it. Can you do bloods to check my immune system?’

‘Ah I’m sorry to hear that. It’s been happening to a lot of people since covid I’m afraid – infection after infection’…

Our discussion continued. I frowned as I tried to think of a way to explain to the patient that we can’t really ‘check the immune system’ with a blood test. And also that, having a nice good-going cold is actually a sign that your immune system is putting up a fight. Meanwhile I tried to – on the sly – glance at the clock. Already over by 35 minutes. I felt my armpits prickle with stress at the thought of the rest of my patients waiting.

Working as a GP is hard. I genuinely do not know how they do it. For the past 3 months, as a junior doctor I’ve had my taste of it – before I knew it was a tricky job, but now I’m totally in awe of how they manage it. The social skills you need to be able to do 15 minute consultations are absolutely off the chain. As a beginner, I started with 30 minute consultations, and found myself daily struggling even with this. How are you supposed to manage a mental health crisis, or blood clot in the leg, or a new diagnosis of autism in 30 minutes, let alone 15?

That’s not even to mention the mental flip-flopping you go through. One minute you’re feeling a breast lump, the next you’re peering into the ear, and the next you’re carefully inspecting somebody’s wee. And for each of these jobs, you need to have in your brain, fresh and ready, ALL of the nasty things that could be happening, and ALL of the things you personally need to examine and ask and refer for in order to get the patient what they need. On top of that, you need to do this whilst communicating flawlessly with the patient, ensuring they don’t feel panicked, making sure they feel heard, and feeling genuine empathy for them.

I’ve got a bit more of a specialist brain, I like to go into things in intense detail and scrutinising them. The idea of doing a superficial job terrifies and revolts me. But the thing is, what GPs do is not superficial. Yes they’ve got generalist knowledge, but all the GPs I worked with also had very specialist knowledge of each individual pathology they work with. And that’s without even mentioning the knowledge you need to liaise with hospital – to know which services are available, how you refer to them, the waiting list times, and what realistically will work for this patient in what is now essentially a failing system.

After 3 months, I feel like I’m starting to slowly get the hang of the job. But gradually over the past months I’ve had my own little situation to deal with. Until one morning, I waddled into surgery feeling so nauseous I had to do some deep breathing at my desk for over 20 minutes. That’s okay, I had time for it, as a Nerd I would always come into work at least 45 minutes early and leave at least an hour late. But this time was a bit different. I felt the little life inside of me lurch and kick into my stomach, with a fresh wave of nausea. What a sweet wee bab I thought.

I popped to the kitchen, downed some Gaviscon and told myself I could do it – I could care for my patient today. Just as I arranged my blood pressure cuff, oximetry and temperature probe for the first patient I felt a hot rush in my face. What is wrong with my body I thought. You’re pregnant you idiot my brain replied. Glancing down I saw the blood pouring from my nose dripping onto my cardigan.

Hours later, I emerged from the surgery knowing that it was time for me to stop working and start maternity leave. I couldn’t care for patients if I was becoming too much of a patient myself, I thought.

And now, I sit at home, gestating a foetus and not doing much else. I miss the GP work, it was such an eye-opener to me, and it was an absolute pleasure to do my best for all the patients that came through. But my god, I could not do that job as a career, I think my head would explode. So absolute hats off to GPs, may they live long and prosper.